guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
