"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
