So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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