You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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