I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
