she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
