dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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