I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
