I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
