So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
