you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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