you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
