You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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