Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
