wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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