Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
