Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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