That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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