Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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