drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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