I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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