Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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