you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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