I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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