wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
