Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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