I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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