you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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