U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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