u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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