What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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