i just had sex bonerless
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
