I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
