New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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