I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
