just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
