she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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