OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize