gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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