So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
