Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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