The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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