Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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