I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
