You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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