You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
