Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
