Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
