my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
