One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
