Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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