So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
