Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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