He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
