I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
