I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??