the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this boner is exhausting
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
