I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
