What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.