you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
