It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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