Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
