I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!