FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish they made helmets for livers.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.