I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
