Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
