i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
