and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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