I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
