Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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