I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
