just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
