i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
