We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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