make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
